User talk:Kaedmon/Sandbox
Hey, Sorry I haven't edited your document on Google Drives. I've been quite busy over the past few weeks. I've also had trouble accessing it because Google Drives not liking my email (I might have to create a new email for it). Is what's in this Sandbox one and the same with what's in the Google Drive document? Because if it is, I might as well read through it and offer advice here. IllumiNini (talk) 13:40, May 3, 2017 (UTC) Restless Sinner Art I've attached some artwork for a Restless Sinner formerly of the Lamenters chapter (seemed appropriate). I have a couple of comments on the chapter lore too. It seems to me what you are going for is a band of disgraced marines who are banding together to repent for some perceived wrong. Obviously, I have seen that someone else has already pointed out that is what Deathwatch Blackshields are already. Another thing I would keep in mind is that the Restless Sinners' modus operandi is also very close to the Legion of the Damned. One problem with the lore you have so far (in my humble opinion) is the sheer scale of the Chapter. It says 500-600 by battalion(?) meaning they have multiples of these 500-600 groupings? Space Marines aren't a particulaly plentiful commodity and given how important gene seeds are to parent chapters having marines wander off to join the Sinners is going to seriously piss off a LOT of people. If your chapter is as big as you say then they are a significant presence in the universe who will not pass unnoticed for long. I sort of feel like it would make more sense if either (a) the number of Marines in the chapter is outright unknown (5,000 years is a fairly long time to ammass recruits, but with such a shadowy chapter I feel like it would make more sense if noone knew how many members existed), or (b) the number of Marines was particularly low given how rare recruits would be. Another potential lore conflict is the fact these are a loyalist chapter who appear to have been intentionally founded by the Imperium (presumably OK'd by the High Lords of Terra). This would be a major overstepping of bounds that would piss off almost every Chapter in the Universe. Space Marine chapters are fairly autonomous factions which do not fully fall under the authority of the High Lords of Terra. In other words, the strays from every Chapter in the Imperium are not the High Lords' to give. A perfect example of this being an issue is with your former-Deathwing Chaplain of the Dark Angels. The Dark Angels would not let a Chaplain go rogue, least of all a Chaplain of the Deathwing who is from the Inner Circle and privvy to the chapter's secrets. They would kill him sooner than let him leave. Many other chapters would respond similarly at the prospect of losing gene seed. Honestly, I think this chapter would make more sense as a group of loyal renegades who fight for the Imperium but were never officially 'founded'. More like a Blackshield Warband/Shattered Legion from the Heresy rather than an official chapter who have the High Lords' blessing (High Lords of Terra aren't going to willingly alienate the Imperium's premium fighting force just to accomodate a couple of strays). Those are just my thoughts though! Take them or leave them! Ultimately, it's your project! Edit: So I see that the parallels to the Legion of the Damned was intentional then? haha "Of all the legends of the Imperium, one of the strangest is that of the Legion of the Damned. For those who know where to look, there are many corroborated accounts of these otherworldly warriors, their unexpected appearances upon a desperate battlefield, and their sudden and inexplicable disappearance at the battle's end." :— Inquisitor D. Merloriac, Ordo Chronos AtanianWinter (talk) 19:45, May 21, 2017 (UTC)